Progression

Imagine yourself in deep state of REM. You've begun dreaming. Images and ideas are intertwined and convoluted to a point of absurdity. Your dream morphs into a long, deserted highway and you are alone, biking down the yellow line in the centre. In the distance you see something. It is something memorable that brings a wave of nostalgia over you, yet something that you've longed for your entire life and have never had the pleasure of deeming your own. Consciously, you start pedalling the bike faster to reach your target at the end of the long, desolate road.  

As you continue, objects begin to appear near the edges of the highway. They're accomplishments, memories and experiences filled with both joy and remorse. With every passing recollection you slowly approach the end of the highway. The desire to reach the end builds so greatly inside of you that you've become inpatient and ignorant to the processes happening around you. The progression towards the end of the highway has ceased. 

You are stuck half way and no matter how hard or fast you pedal you are no longer moving. Every breath you take becomes more rapid and your heart beats frantically wanting to escape entirely from your body. 

This is anxiety. 

Panic finds its sweet place of residance inside of you and you've now started to question every one of those memories that you see passing by. Was it enough? How could I have done it better? Was that the right decision? 

And so, this is where I find myself. I am stuck in this hypothetical dream struggling to find my progression to the end. I'm not moving backwards and yet not excelling in anything in particular. Stuck and surrounded in an abundance of mediocrity. 

-Lyss